Desolate

For the first time in my life, I feel I'm existing rather than living; drifting through life until something happens.

For those who can't read into every word, I'll elaborate. I'll start with the play. Last week my school put on 'Death of a Salesman', and it was very well recievedby the people who saw it. The guy playing Willy did incredibly well, considering 75% of the play is him. I always thought I was a crap yet ambitious actor (Thanks to my voice), but people have told me I did well, and could benefit from always having that confidence. So if I can act, that's one less excuse for constantly not doing any filming. And now I also have more free time in the week, which I really don't need more of.

You see, since I booted up the Xbox again in August 2009, I've been addicted to it. Thinking about it, I could spend 30 hours a week on it. Not enougth to be harmful, but enougth to affect grades and freetime. Which brings me to school. I had an Economics module in January, and got a D. So I'm taking the chance and completely revoltionising how I work. Except... thinking about Year 13 and Uni makes me feel more isolated. I'm isolated now out of choice, and partially because I joined the school after the groups formed, so if I wanted t change that at uni I could... in theory. I'll probaly spend 5 years reclused in my room, alone.

And year 13... the only thing keeping me heading for it is one promise I made to myself about someone. Otherwise, I'ld be constantly reconsidering my path here. But no matter what I do, I keep looking too long term and thinking 'Will this matter in 5 years?'. How many 17 year olds do that? Barely any. They consider going out and getting hammered a worthwhile thing. I look at my plan for a screenplay and get demoralised.

...

God, that was a depressing read.
Tell you what, if you read that, you get 10 Orhun Points. Treat them wisely. No, don't dunk them-- I have them back, actually. How about a progressive post next time? Yeah. OK.